If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
