Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
