You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
