Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
