i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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