And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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