it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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