he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
