Got a toothbrush?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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