is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
