I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
