Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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