I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
