so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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