she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
did you just send me my own nude
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
