It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
