In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
