You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize