What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
