Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
