Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
