I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
