Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
