Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
