we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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