So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found a bag of teeth...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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