Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
