We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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