Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
