Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
