Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
