I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
