She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
