this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
