I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
