I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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