We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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