i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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