Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
