Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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