You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
