been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
