I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
