Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
