you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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