I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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