there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
