96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
