I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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