I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How's work?
Spinning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
