oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
