Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
