I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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