Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
