the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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