My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
