I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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