Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
