Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
