i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
