I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
