My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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