I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love having hate sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
