I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I deserve this hangover.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
