What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
