we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
