Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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