Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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