I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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