I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm at about main and main street
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
