im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
