There was a lot of him and a little penis
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize