New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
