in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize