I just threw up on my dentist
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
