youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
