One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
