Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
