I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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