You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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